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QUESTION

I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years now. I have asked my boyfriend who he was talking to. I know it's bad to do that. I only hangout with him on the weekends. During the weekdays he doesn't really talk to me because he mostly plays online gaming. That's when I get insecure and ask him who he's talking to on the game server. I don't stalk him badly.  What do you think I should do to stop myself from doing this?

ANSWER

Communication is a really important part of any healthy relationship.  It sounds like you know exactly what makes you insecure, which is a huge first step.  It also sounds like you don’t think your insecurities are a huge issue, you just want to figure out how to break this pattern.  It might be helpful to talk to your boyfriend on a weekend when you are hanging out and explain how it makes you feel when he disappears for the whole week to play online games.  If you trust him, tell him that and be clear that you know you don’t have anything to worry about but the lack of communication just makes you a little insecure.  If he can make an agreement to call, or at least text you on a regular basis during the week, you can see if that makes a difference. Everyone has different needs in relationships and it might just be important to you that your significant other is available to you on more than just the weekends.  If your boyfriend isn’t willing to make that adjustment, you may want to think about whether you want to be in a relationship with someone who isn’t able or willing to meet your needs. And if he does start to communicate with you regularly during the week and you still feel insecure or have trouble trusting him, it could be really important to think about where these feelings are coming from and try talking to him or getting some support from someone outside your relationship who you can trust.  Try thinking about what he can do to help you feel more secure about your relationship and then talk to him about what you need because love can’t grow without trust.    

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