3 QUESTIONS TO ASK YOURSELF ABOUT SPYING
- Why would anyone need my password?
They wouldn't. So don't give it to anyone. That way, when other people ask you, you can say, NO ONE has my password and be telling the truth. Plus, you can't control how others manage their info—your bf might be a vault with secrets but carry a list of passwords around in their wallet (which they lose constantly). You get the idea. If you feel the need to share your password with someone, try a parent or a trusted adult.
- What if I can prove my partner is cheating if I check his/her email/call/text history?
News flash: if you have to hack his or her email to get at the truth, you're lying to yourself about the state of your relationship. If you can't talk through it and regain trust, walk away and be proud that you took control.
- My bf/gf/friend is mad at me for something I wrote in an email to someone else, that they read without my permission. S/he is pissed and thinks it was okay to read it because we're supposed to share everything, and I'm pissed because I think s/he had no right to read it. Who's right?
- No one.
The right answer here is... a. You're right. No one should read other people's emails (or texts, or IMs) without their permission. But—you knew there was a but, right?—the real issue here is why your bf/gf/friend doesn't trust you. Were the things you were saying mean or hurtful? Did you betray their trust by gossiping about them or sharing private information? Or does s/he have a jealousy issue? If someone you're close to doesn't trust you—and you haven't given them a good reason for it—talk it out. If the spying goes on, consider a change in relationship status—or a lock-box for your laptop and phone.